What Would People Think?

I think this is going to be more than one part. If I don't break it up, it will probably go on and on and on. My mind just keeps going and going on this subject. Last weekend at the women's retreat that I attended the main speaker, Lynn Reese and my sister both said the phrase, "What will people think or What would people think?" This truly made me reflect this week A LOT! 

When I was growing up, my grandparents lived in Broughton and we lived in Eldorado. My grandpa's family had owned several businesses in Broughton and were very well known. My grandparents owned a trucking business. So needless to say everyone in this small town knew my sister and I and who we belonged to. We were "Freddy Griswolds's daughters." Broughton is a small town. It has always been a small town. It was just thriving more in the 40's and 50's; so by the 60's and 70's there wasn't much there but the post office and a couple of little stores. The population was and still is today holding at 250. 

I loved going to Broughton. I had the run of almost the whole town even at a very young age because, of course, everyone knew who I was. This "knowing" also came with some headaches. I would be dying to get outside to play with my Broughton friends and my grandma would always stop me. She would always and I mean always stop and ask me if I had washed my face, my hands, and my elbows. (Yes, my elbows!) I don't remember one time that I was Marsha and just did it. I argued and argued that I was going out to play why did I need to clean up? Her response was always the same. "You never know who you might see and what would people think if they saw you dirty?" Because of who they were in the pecking order of the town, I had to be clean. They didn't want us to appear "poor and dirty". The up side to this is that I got to wear my shorts and t-shirts and not a dress. :D 

I went from being a small child always worried about "What would people think?" to a teenager and even a young adult worried about the same thing. Sometimes in there I worried a little about "What God would think?" but I was really more concerned about other people's opinions. In the back of my mind I figured if I had people's approval I also had God's. Is that a messed up view or what? I tried to live up to everyone else's expectations of how I was "supposed to be" instead of what God intended me to be. What a waste of 20 years or so! Needless to say I was never good enough or pretty enough or popular enough. (My daughter loves Hawk Nelson and they sink a song called Everything You Ever Wanted. It is speaking about my life and I really like it. Look it up on iTunes!) 

Since I was so concerned about what others thought of me I became very good at covering up. I lied, I cheated, I made excuses, I blamed others, and I wasn't a nice person. (OK, I know I am not perfect now; but I am letting God control the big parts now!) So, people saw me but they saw the fake me. The one I wanted the world to see. The one that tried to please everyone. The one that was obedient on the outside and VERY disobedient on the inside. I am very sorry that I lived my life that way. I think that is one of the reasons that I was so hard on my own children while they were growing up. Not about what others would think of them but always reminding them that God was the one who mattered. 

So "What would People Think?", I hope when they see me now they see the true genuine person that God created me to be.